Past the Picket Fence
by Letta
Summary: Naruto just wants to go home. Kakashi just wants to find him. Enter Akatsuki. Enter Sound ninjas. Enter the freakshow. Naruto is exposed to the world outside of Konoha and Kakashi remembers why he avoids it.
1. The Beginning of the End

Title: Past the Picket Fence

Author: Letta

Rating: PG-13, at this point, anyway.

Disclaimer: Uh no. Not actually mine. Just this wonderful plot (of which very little has actually been more than flighty ideas).

Summary: Naruto is attacked on a mission, and through a series of events, finds himself dealing with a world weirder than he ever gave it credit for.

Warnings: Some language, some stupidity (definitely a hint of crack), possible OOC (because sometimes you never know), mentions of Jiraiya (this guy automatically has a warning attached to him), uh mild scenes of violence… so far that's it I think.

A/N: I have been debating for _months_ now on whether or not to post this. It has dreams of becoming an epic. I don't know how often I'll update, and only have a vague idea of where I'm headed with it. I do, at least, have an ending in mind. Just figured I'd let you know.

Chapter 1: The Beginning of the End

* * *

Sometimes sleep just isn't important. There are other things that take precedence. Something will come up in your life and keep you awake all night. Then there are the times where sleep just won't come. 

Naruto had plenty of nights like those. Nights when he was haunted by thoughts. Thoughts of Konoha, thoughts of the villagers, his friends, his training, a mission… What scared him and what comforted him included. There was one thought he adamantly refused to dwell on, however. It was the thought of a traitorous teammate, and he was so conditioned to ignoring it, that it would immediately put him to sleep. There was satisfaction in knowing he wouldn't lose sleep over the bastard.

Then there were nights when you were so tired that sleep was the only thing on your mind and nothing else mattered.

Sometimes this was caused by drugs.

Naruto was baffled, however, as to why he was thinking about sleep at a time like this.

Seeing as how he had just been abducted and would probably be dead by morning. In which case, he would no longer have a need for sleep.

Although he did suspect he was drugged.

"Say, Kabuto, am I drugged?"

The man in question chuckled lightly. "Yes Naruto-kun. Don't worry though; I don't plan on taking you to Orochimaru-sama."

Well, this was certainly good news, he supposed. Although that didn't really explain why Kabuto had drugged him, tied him up, and was currently transporting him via a cart to some unknown destination. Nor did it explain where the cart came from.

"I'm going to sell you to the Akatsuki."

Well schucks. That would be classified under really bad news, even worse than going into the custody of Orochimaru.

"Why shouldn't I worry then? Last I heard, they were after the kyuubi, and to get to it, I sort of have to die."

"Yes, but it won't be by Orochimaru's hands; he can be rather cruel."

"I think," Naruto paused, gathering his thoughts as he watched the clouds pass by overhead, "I think that having a very large and angry demon sucked out of my body would be kind of painful."

"Perhaps."

"Kabuto?"

"Hm?"

"You're an ass."

There was another chuckle before he drifted off to sleep. It wasn't like he could do much else when he couldn't feel his limbs anyway.

-

-THREE DAYS PRIOR-

"You are a moral man!" Naruto shouted, pointing at Hatake Kakashi. The jounin was confused, to say the least. After all, he had only opened the door because someone had been knocking on it. He had not expected to find his former student yelling obscenities at him.

Well, sort of obscenities. Outright lies would be more accurate.

"What makes you say that?"

"Because, my dear sweet teacher, it's true," Naruto replied, having calmed down and forcing a sincere look upon his face.

"No it's not."

"Don't sell yourself short, Kakashi-sensei, you are an upstanding citizen, a denizen of ethics."

"I don't have ethics," Kakashi pointed out, still confused and utterly lost, but going with it anyway. It was that quality that made him such a success as a ninja. Or his natural abilities, and maybe being trained by Konoha's most infamous Hokage, or his heritage, or having the only known sharingan implant, or being revered as a genius, or maybe just being better than almost anyone else.

It was one of them, he was sure.

"Nonsense. You are of the highest principles. Your virtue is a testament to your saintliness."

That was going too far.

Kakashi wondered if he should feel affronted.

"This is why I've come to relieve you of your terrible burden of honor and subject you to this!" the blonde said, presenting the unreleased copy of the sequel to the _Icha Icha Paradise_ movie so entitled: _Icha Icha Tactics_.

Kakashi's eyes widened and he opened his door further. "That won't hit the shelves until next week!"

"Yeah, I sort of know a guy," Naruto explained, kicking his shoes off as he proceeded to the living room with his straight to DVD movie.

Honestly, he was surprised he managed to get through his whole entry speech with a straight face. That was a noteworthy feat.

The two spent the next couple hours eating popcorn and chips while they watched the screen version of Jiraiya's accumulated masterpieces.

It was one of their pastimes they had developed after realizing they had nothing better to do with their time and there were few other people that either of them bothered to hang out with. Or that could really handle hanging out with either of them for extended periods of time.

It wasn't quite a father-son relationship anymore than a student-teacher relationship. It had sort of faded into a big brother-little brother thing -at least that was the general assumption of outsiders. This allowed Kakashi to mercilessly tease and still mentor and Naruto to try and prank or at least something that involved a lot of yelling and still learn.

No one in Konoha actually tried to understand it, and wouldn't touch the subject of their warped relationship with a ten foot pole.

"Did you already talk to Tsunade-baa-chan?"

"Yes, it seems like we won't be able to go fishing."

"That's probably a good thing, it's supposed to storm anyway and last time the boat sunk in the middle of the lake. We almost drowned."

"Yes, but we didn't," Kakashi pointed out. After the initial shock of being more or less plunged into icy water, the two didn't take much longer to use their chakra to get on top of the waves and calling it a day.

It was a lesson in not practicing jutsus while in a small boat.

Or playing with cordless drills.

Especially when the ice wasn't completely melted away from winter, and chunks of it were floating in the water all around them.

They had gained first-hand knowledge of hypothermia _and_ what the receiving end of Sakura's fist felt like. Though, she insisted it was only because she cared and they were idiots -which may have been true on both accounts.

They were both at fault anyway. Though neither could honestly say why there was a cordless drill in the boat. Power tools didn't make much sense on the water.

"So we go tomorrow morning?" Naruto asked, taking a drink of his tea that Kakashi had made post-cinematic-feature.

"Yes. Five o'clock."

It was eight o'clock, but Naruto knew better than to say anything if he wanted his superior to arrive on time. It had been a stroke of luck being assigned under Kakashi again, or more like Tsunade realized there was probably no one better to look after Naruto, and as it turned out, no one better to look after Kakashi than his former student.

Team 7 had been disbanded as had most of the genin teams from Naruto's generation as his peers had grown in different directions and their skills needed elsewhere. Sakura was in the medical squadron after Tsunade's training, and was frequently assigned as the medic for various teams on their missions. Naruto still worked with her often enough. She could be bossy and fussy, and was often great for intimidation use when it came to their enemies.

Oh, and Naruto would guess that she was probably a somewhat decent medic, but he didn't know much about medics –including the fact that Sakura was currently one of Konoha's best. He didn't have all that much use for medics, anyway, what with the fox and all. Sakura often found reasons to best him for disrespecting her and her profession, and most people would agree that Naruto probably had it coming. He usually did.

Sasuke was still off with Orochimaru, being a dumbass.

For whatever reason, none were really sure why, Orochimaru had neglected to take over Sasuke's body just yet and as Konoha spies had reported, decided to postpone it until the boy was eighteen.

The young Uchiha probably had syphilis or something and Orochimaru was waiting until it was cured. That was Naruto's personal theory. Sakura was torn between deciding whether to hit him for _'such a stupid theory'_ or laugh until the tea she had been drinking squirted out her nose. She compromised and did both. They both, however, agreed to ask Sasuke when they ran across him next.

"We're going to Grass country, to steal someone's stuff."

"More or less," Kakashi confirmed.

"All right then. I guess I'll get home so I can pack and rest up, see you tomorrow, five o'clock!" Naruto called as he headed for the door. He had really perfected his straight-face.

"Tomorrow morning," Kakashi said, by way of wishing him a goodnight.

-

They had run into some problems.

This, of course, was an understatement.

The problems would inevitably lead to Naruto being kidnapped by Kabuto who planned to sell him to the Akatsuki to suck a giant demon out of his stomach. It would also lead Naruto to wonder briefly why he had never considered a career in accounting. Although such a choice would probably have led to him being in Akatsuki clutches long before this incident. It's tough to defend oneself without proper training. At least, however, he probably wouldn't have been sold to them in that scenario, assuming that was any better.

Sure, it all started out promising. What with walking out the giant gates and strolling down the wide path without a hitch. The sun was shining and birds were singing and all that junk.

He and Kakashi played paper-rock-scissors while their two other teammates walked a few paces ahead of them. The other two were nice enough, but they were too serious. They thought that he and Kakashi shouldn't be reading smut during missions. It wasn't like reading made them unaware of their surroundings.

The one with the longer hair, Jei –at least Naruto thought that's what he said his name was, had wrinkled his nose in irritation when Naruto had shown that morning with his nose in a blue book, authored by someone who must have some ninja training because not only were the action scenes plausible, the formations were something that had been taught at the academy. Although for a novel on par with Jiraiya's own writing genre, there sure was an awful lot of violence and death.

This, according to Jiraiya, was why his books were superior. Naruto made it a point not to read Jiraiya's stuff (at least never in front of him) just to piss the man off.

He also tried very hard to make sure the blue book was somewhere in noticeable sight whenever he knew he'd see Jiraiya. The sennin was carefully kept in the dark about Naruto and Kakashi's movie nights.

When Kakashi showed up a few minutes later, the last one to arrive, Jei's wrinkled nose was suddenly accompanied by a frown. Kakashi's book was typically orange.

The fourth member of their team wasn't as outwardly disapproving as Jei, but the sentiments were there. He seemed to pretty much just think they should be more alert as opposed to reading.

"Yo."

"You're late! We've been waiting for three hours!" Naruto accused, pointing at his former sensei.

The other two had been coached not to say anything, but just looked impatient –at Tsunade's and Naruto's request.

"Ah… the sun didn't want to rise this morning, so I had to travel an hour and a half outside the village to give it a pep talk and some coffee."

"Can't you ever come up with anything believable?" the blonde asked, in all seriousness.

So they made it out of Konoha, out of its boundaries, and eventually to the border of the country. The first day went off without incident.

The second day was when it all went to hell.

It was right around lunchtime.

They were attacked, by missing nin. Now, their attackers could have been after any one of them, since they all had their fair share of enemies. Although the people after Naruto and Kakashi had a tendency to be more vicious and a hell of a lot more angry than most. Not without reason.

The Konoha team was arguing about whether or not it was time to stop and eat, Naruto all for it, Kakashi not caring and the other two insisting they go a little farther, because it was barely ten in the morning.

There were six attackers, and apparently they all went shopping together, because they all wore the same outfit. Dark gray clothes and faces covered. It was like they were trying to start some sort of rogue ninja group that randomly attacked people. Rephrase that, rogue ninja fashion group that randomly attacked people.

Those were Naruto's first thoughts after he saw them. It had been suggested that he keep some of his thoughts to himself. By various people.

The first attack was an explosion. It effectively stopped the argument as they all dashed away, weapons at the ready and keeping all senses open. This was followed by more explosions and Naruto found himself dodging around like a hummingbird. Logically, this usually meant there was more than one person at work, probably several, since it was outright stupidity to start attacking a group of high level shinobi by yourself.

Naruto shifted his grip on his kunai, as he looked for enemy or friend through the smoke and debris. He dashed to the left as the ground rocked to his right. His own team would be unwilling to attack immediately in case they hit each other, but he assumed that their enemies had some sort of plan, so they would make the first move after they were done blowing everything to hell.

He couldn't breathe well and his eyes stung, also, he was beginning to suspect that he was moving in circles. Initially, he was worried that he didn't hear any sounds of fighting, which would lead him to believe his teammates were dead, throats likely slit from behind. However, he was moderately reassured when he heard the sound of a chidori and a choked scream. Kakashi at least, was alive. Then the sound of other fights filtered through the air. Picking the direction of the nearest skirmish, he headed that way.

It was somewhere in all the smoke that he saw the first of his attackers. The man was throwing knives at him.

In response, Naruto threw a rasengan.

This made the man angry, since he lost part of his arm. To his credit, he only screamed after Naruto dug his fingers in the wound. He had developed a mean streak.

"Who are you?" the blonde asked the masked man.

"No one important…" he wheezed. He grinned then, which threw Naruto off, until he realized the man was looking over his shoulder. Throwing the man off, Naruto spun around and felt a needle sink into bicep.

The ninja with the injured arm would later die from blood loss, and his mother would shake her head angrily at the news, saying she never should have let her baby become a ninja.

"Hello, Naruto-kun," the new arriver greeted as two other similarly dressed men appeared. The sudden accumulation of enemies around him, and the fact that he had been called by name informed him that he had been the intended target throughout the whole fiasco.

The needle man leaped backwards and out of the way. Almost immediately, Naruto felt light-headed, which told him he was likely going to pass out, so he figured to hell with it and formed a rasengan in each hand charging as another two showed up, one of them looking like he had a run-in with a chidori. Huh. Three was usually his safety limit for the destructive attack (when he wasn't drugged –as he would later discover he had been), but he wasn't going down without taking some down, and if they were going to dress the same, they should wear something other than a plain gray, so by that reasoning, they obviously had to die while he knocked himself out.

Especially since Naruto was a fashion guru.

Ino had once said that while rolling her eyes. She had moments where she could be sweet. Naruto just wasn't in the habit of seeing them. Part of that was his own fault. A large part.

He took down four, a fourth rasengan nearly stopping him there, vision blurring badly, but the man with the needles managed to dodge. Right before he passed out, he heard Kakashi calling his name. The needle man picked the blonde up and threw him over his shoulders before slipping away.

Apparently, this man had been Kabuto, who Naruto would later declare to be an ass.

-

Kakashi was fuming, but he hid it well. There was no trace of Naruto, and the pack of corpses they found told him nothing, other than that their hitae-ate headbands came from a few different villages, and that they didn't have independent tastes in clothing. His guess would be a group of mercenaries.

Naruto had released four rasengan total, which told him that Naruto hadn't been expecting to live. That many would drain him far too much for an unknown amount of enemies.

"What would cause someone with virtually unlimited chakra reserves and healing abilities to expect to die? He couldn't have been that severely injured in that amount of time, not with the attacks they were delivering."

The other two shinobi looked at him.

"They must have been successful in an attack that would disable him," Jei answered.

"Yet he was still able to use his rasengan, so it wasn't immediate," Kakashi pointed out.

"Something with a delayed reaction? I don't know of any ninjutsu techniques in particular, but if a medical nin had been with them, then it's much more probable that he had been drugged somehow," Shunosuke answered, him being the medic in their team for the mission.

"Something he inhaled or was injected with, or maybe in jutsu form?" Jei asked.

"It doesn't matter," Kakashi answered, "they obviously were after him and wanted him alive."

A silence settled over the group for a moment.

"Without Naruto, we cannot continue our mission," Kakashi stated. Although Naruto had been key in implementing their plan, it wasn't necessarily true. They could improvise well enough, but were less likely to succeed. However, Kakashi had no qualms about lying and he intended to take on a new mission, regardless of whether or not he had approval.

"But…" Jei started, having shown himself to adhere to protocol as much as any shinobi possibly could in the short time Kakashi had actually known him.

"Return to the village immediately. Inform the Hokage what happened and to send out another team to complete our mission."

"What about you?" Shunosuke asked.

"I'm going after Naruto."

* * *

A/N: Multi-part fics always seem to be harder, because people have to want to read the next chapter. I usually write one-shots in moments of creativity and shove them out on the internet because I don't really care so much. I think it's more of a relief to actually get this one out, though, because it's been sitting on my computer for so long. One of the hold-ups actually was that I could not think of a title. This one refers to the 'house with a white picket fence' idea. 

So, please review on this one and let me know what you think so far. Thanks.

-Letta


	2. Race Without a Finish Line

Title: Past the Picket Fence

Chapter 2: Race Without a Finish Line

-

When the cart stopped, Naruto woke up. A hand gripped his shoulder and hauled him up. As soon as his feet hit the ground, his legs tried to give out him. He used to trust those legs, too.

He couldn't ever remember being so dizzy… well except the time he and Kakashi had tried to see how long they could last on the tilt-a-whirl at Konoha's last festival. He wasn't sure, but he thought Gai might've been there… and some alcohol may have been involved. In fact, he think Gai might've started it… Lee had been shouting… His memory of that night had never been much clearer than fuzzy.

Lee showed up the next morning apologizing about his shoes, which he had noticed smelled like vomit. To make up for it, Gai Jr. had bought him a new pair of green shoes –which were still hidden in the back of his closet somewhere.

Aside from that time, he was pretty sure he had never been this dizzy.

"Come now, Naruto-kun, try and stand," Kabuto chuckled above him as arms slid under his and after an initial lurch he found his feet being drug along the ground.

"I'm going to kill you," Naruto promised, however his tongue was heavy and he sounded vaguely as if he were ready to puke, so as far as threatening went, it didn't include him at the moment.

That didn't mean he wasn't going to carry out his threat, however. He just needed some time to recuperate, like a day or two… maybe a year. He hoped his dead weight made him harder to drag.

"Not likely. Between the extra shot I gave you an hour or so ago, and the fact that I can actually see my Akatsuki clients just up ahead, I don't think you'll be able to make good on that. Besides you should still be drained from killing all the mercenaries I hired."

When put like that, it didn't sound very promising.

"You think that's going to stop me?"

"Yes," Kabuto replied. He sounded pretty damn sure of himself. Arrogant bastard.

Naruto scowled, glaring at his own feet. They were making little trails in the dirt.

Stupid feet.

"Ah, Hoshigaki-san, Uchiha-san. I have delivered the merchandise," Kabuto said genially, and Naruto knew he was smiling in that satisfied, superior way of his.

Naruto secretly wished he could smile like that because he _knew_ it would piss of Kiba if he did.

Then the names of the two Kabuto addressed hit him. Hoshigaki… Uchiha… shit. Not that any pair in Akatsuki would be a particularly beneficial pair to come across –he knew from experience. He just knew that these two happened to be exceptional jackasses. Really, they could put Kabuto to shame in a competition of asses.

There was some shuffling and Naruto felt himself hoisted up and twisted around to be thrown over someone's shoulder. Flashes of bluish skin indicated Kisame.

"He's currently under the influence of a sedative, so he shouldn't be giving you any problems for awhile. It lasts several hours."

There was the sound of ruffling cloth and paper and Naruto guessed that the medic nin was receiving his payment.

"Have you been followed?" That, Naruto knew, was Itachi.

"If I was it's no longer my problem." _What an ass!_

"Someday I'm going to chop you into bits of human sushi," Kisame rumbled.

The medic nin laughed. Apparently he didn't take too much stock in that threat -which would be stupid- or he didn't care.

"It was a pleasure doing business with you gentlemen," Kabuto said and Naruto heard the sound of retreating footsteps.

"Get back here, you coward. I have to kill you!" Naruto yelled into Kisame's back, voice muffled.

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun, but I really can't stay," Kabuto called back. Kisame chuckled and started walking in the opposite direction.

"I don't think your sedative's working!" Kisame laughed, amused by Naruto's attempts to struggle. Jerk.

"He's not coming after me, now is he?" Kabuto pointed out as he too, gave in to chuckling. Extra-jerk.

"It's going to rain," Itachi spoke from the left -seemingly from out of nowhere and unknowingly helping to prove one of Naruto's theories that the eldest Uchiha spent most of his time in the outfield when everyone else was playing infield. The blonde turned his head slightly to try and see him. He could see his uniform.

Really, as long as his face wasn't buried into Kisame's sweaty back, he was good. He wasn't sure if the Akatsuki nin's back was actually sweaty underneath the cloak, but it was a warm day, and he was wearing heavy black outer garments, so it stood to reason.

When put like that, the uniform seemed rather impractical. He had never seen a short sleeve variation or maybe just a black shirt with red clouds instead of the full cloak. Though, a shirt like that would probably just look stupid. He wouldn't know for sure unless he saw one.

"Yeah, we should probably get going before it starts," Kisame said, in answer to Itachi and with a sudden lurch Naruto wasn't prepared for, they started running. Damn, he felt sick.

He wondered how long the drug would last. Maybe his metabolism would get it through his system in enough time for him to have a shot at escaping before he ended up wherever it was that they were going.

-

Kakashi managed to find a well-disguised trail that became less and less disguised the farther he went. He had summoned Pakkun, who would've been a lot more help, but he kept eating grass and puking it back up. That usually indicated a weather change that would severely hinder the search.

Fortunately, whoever was responsible for Naruto's abduction had a wagon or something similar to it nearby, which became more apparent when the tracks he was following turned into wheel tracks and size tens.

Either someone had thought they were safe, or were dropping Naruto off somewhere, and figured that after that, it wouldn't be their problem. He couldn't tell which yet, as he hadn't decided whether or not he was dealing with idiots.

Eventually, the tracks turned onto a narrow dirt road, which made it a lot easier and faster for him. However, it would have also done the same for the shinobi he was pursuing.

It was when he came across an empty cart in the middle of the previously mentioned road that he began to grow uneasy. The size tens had doubled back at first before veering off the road again. Thin, twin ruts in the top layer of dirt on the path that periodically cut through footprints going in the same direction indicated something had been dragged. The closer he looked, the more he came to the conclusion that it had been someone's heels. Meaning Naruto had most likely been unconscious.

The presence of two other sets of prints a little ways away was not a good sign. So Naruto was still likely drugged and in the hands of enemies. What enemies did Naruto have that would capture him instead of killing him outright? Most in their right mind wouldn't take Naruto for information. He didn't know anything.

Unless they wanted to know about ramen. Or how to be flashy.

They wouldn't need to do all of this to get that information, though. Naruto volunteered it readily enough, whether anyone wanted it or not.

Most of Naruto's enemies were just pissed off at the blonde. If they wanted revenge, they'd have killed him already. Besides, if that were the case, it would have made more sense to avoid drugging him and dragging him off somewhere and instead sneak into Konoha and kill him in his sleep –especially since Naruto was a heavy sleeper.

Unless it was Thursday. On Thursdays, he, Naruto, Genma, Gai, and usually Ibiki or Raido would play cards. Naruto always ended up staying on the couch, sometimes Gai would sleep on his kitchen floor –something he never got around to questioning. That was how Kakashi continuously knew it was Thursday. This way Friday could never sneak up on him.

There was one group that had always had a particular interest in Naruto. The Akatsuki. They would fit into the equation. Then again, so would Stone's entire research squadron. This would be because of one of Naruto's missions that was a spectacular foul-up on everyone's account, yet for Naruto, was still a success... sort of. He just wasn't put on anymore reconnaissance missions until very recently. The point was, technically, Naruto succeeded.

Kakashi just wasn't sure how. It was something he hadn't been told.

To the point, if Akatsuki was indeed the ones who now had Naruto, then he had precious little time. They would be the worst possible scenario, and the most likely.

He looked at the sky, trying to judge how much time had passed since Naruto had been captured and noted again that it was going to rain soon. He had to hurry before it started and any trail was washed away.

"Pakkun, stop vomiting in the ditch and let's go."

-

Naruto did not like being at someone else's mercy. He was a doer, not a don't-er. There wasn't much he could do at the moment, though. He could, however, bite his lip until it bled, leave a bit of a trail before it healed up, and do it over again.

It hurt like hell every time he did it, so someone had damn well better have come after him.

Whether it was enough of a trail to go by, he didn't know, but as soon as he escaped, he was going to try and follow it to get back. He had a terrible sense of direction, and his compass broke the other day in his pocket. He had fallen on it because of Ino's punch to his spleen –although he would have to admit he may have possibly deserved that one. He and Kiba had made a bet on how long it would take her to notice what they put on her face while she was napping on a couch in the chunnin administration building. He now mourned the loss of his compass. At the time, however, he had been more concerned with escaping from the blonde kunoichi with his life and body intact.

Why they did it a second time he really wasn't sure.

It was funny, though –except for the part where he and Kiba were subjected to physical pain.

He was beginning to regain feeling in his arms and legs, however. This was certainly a good thing. It was drizzling lightly and he wasn't sure if that would be in his favor or not (he didn't really think about his blood trail).

Naruto had a feeling that the two Akatsuki members could maneuver and fight better in the rain than he could, but they could do that even when it wasn't raining. If he _could_ escape, the rain would help cover his trail, and that was probably about all it would do for him.

Suddenly they stopped and he was dropped to the ground.

Kisame laughed, because apparently he thought it was all very funny. Never mind that Naruto probably would have thought the same if their roles were reversed.

"That wasn't necessary, you bastard," Naruto glared up at him, wishing he had control of his limbs so he could dish out the pain.

"No, but you have to make the little joys in life to have a good time."

This was something Naruto believed as well, so he couldn't really fault Kisame, but he did it anyway.

The approaching footsteps of Itachi probably should have raised more alarm in Naruto, but damn the drugs, it didn't. Well, maybe it wasn't so much the drugs, but Naruto refusing to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation. If they stopped and didn't appear to be making camp, which they didn't, then it couldn't be a good thing.

The other tip-off that something was up was the syringe in the elder Uchiha's hand.

"What's that?" Naruto asked more than a little suspiciously, and suspecting he knew. Itachi didn't hesitate to answer.

"Insurance from Kabuto."

The medic kept screwing him even when he wasn't there.

There was only one thing Naruto could really say as the needle sunk into his arm.

"This sucks."

-

Tsunade cursed vividly as the two nin left her office. Two of her best shinobi were missing. Honestly, there were very few duos that even came close to those two, and the one idiot got himself captured while the other idiot went after him.

"Those jerks!" Sakura fumed beside her. This was mostly because Kakashi had specifically asked for a medic that wasn't her for the mission –probably just to annoy her.

It wouldn't be the first time.

Tsunade did not envy Kakashi when Sakura got her hands on him. When the apprentice medic began to storm towards the door, Tsunade stopped her.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going after them!" Sakura stated, determination taking over her features. She was mad, and if Tsunade was anyone other than Tsunade, she might be scared –after all, she was the one to teach Sakura how to best use her fists.

"You don't know where they went."

"I don't see why that should stop me. Besides, Kakashi would have left me a trail."

Whether that last statement was true or not, Tsunade didn't know. However, the situation did deem it necessary for more manpower in the search.

"If you'll wait half an hour, I can get you some extra hands."

Although stubborn, Sakura was the most reasonable member to ever come out of Team 7. This wasn't saying much.

"Whose hands?"

Even if Sakura resolved that she wasn't going to lose another teammate –from what was left of the former Team 7- she wasn't stupid and was aware of her limits. If someone could catch Naruto, they'd either have to be incredibly strong, or incredibly smart (because she now acknowledged that Naruto was a type of warped-genius himself or at the very least, unconventionally clever), or both.

"Maybe I can get you a Byakugan and a Genius. I'm sure an Inuzuka hound wouldn't hurt either."

Sakura's shoulders relaxed slightly. The Hyuuga family was fond of Naruto, and she was sure Tsunade was referring to Shikamaru and Kiba, two of Naruto's somewhat reluctant, but good friends. She didn't really trust a lot of the other shinobi when it came to her childhood teammate.

"…I'll wait."

"Good. In the meantime, you can file these reports."

Lazy woman.

-

Kakashi was starting to really hate weather, specifically the wet kind. He had nearly missed the drop of blood and now he _was_ going to miss the rest.

Someone was bleeding, and he both hoped it was and wasn't Naruto. He had no doubts that if it was Akatsuki, they'd be able to mostly hide copious amounts of blood. Same could be said for an entire research squadron of Stone shinobi.

What made the situation worse was that Kakashi was largely unfamiliar with the area. It was a small comfort knowing that Naruto's captors would be slowed down not only by carrying Naruto, but also by hiding their trail.

However, the latter was quickly becoming easier for them.

Pakkun, his _ninja _dog, was sick not only from eating all the grass, but apparently from allergies as well –which flared up when he kept stuffing his face full of grass (Kakashi honestly didn't know why dogs did that). So his nose was blocked up, rendering him useless for tracking. He was dismissed.

The sharingan user made it to an area in the woods -not a clearing, but the trees weren't as thick- where he saw two sets of foot prints and sparse blades of grass bent in one spot. Any patterns in the dirt were destroyed by the drops of rain, but the two broken twigs and damaged flora indicated something had been there. He couldn't say if that something had been roughly the size of an older teenage boy, but the blonde hair he found under a fern did point towards that conclusion.

After that, the trail went cold.

An hour later after combing over the area three or four times with a surgeon's precision, it became obvious to Kakashi that he wasn't going to find anything, and that if he didn't stop to rest for the night, he would be of no use to Naruto.

The trick would be to find some shelter from the rain. The wind was starting to pick up, so the sooner the better.

As a genius shinobi, this wasn't difficult.

Looking up he could clearly see an unobstructed sky. The trees surrounding him were relatively young and offered poor refuge –but allowed for more underbrush, which he didn't particularly like. Thicker foliage would be better. A chalet would be ideal.

He took out a kunai and etched an arrow in a tree, something he wished he had started doing earlier, in case anyone else had been sent to find Naruto, but as it was, his mind had been a little clouded with worry.

Choosing a direction at random, he darted off.

-

Neji, Shikamaru, and Kiba listened intently to their village head. Akamaru waited outside. Normally, two shinobi that were adept at tracking, not to mention the silver-haired jounin already out there, were not put on the same search team. One was enough.

Apparently, that didn't matter to Tsunade, because as she had made it clear, she wanted Naruto found and he was damn well going to be found.

Sakura was going with them in case Naruto required medical treatment. Although everyone knew it was because she was going to hurt someone, and the Hokage was going to let her.

"We don't really know anything," Tsunade summarized, even though there wasn't really much to summarize.

"Who do you think did it?" Shikamaru asked. He would prefer to know who and what he was going to be dealing with. The mission sounded like enough trouble as it was, but if he knew what he was up against, it would be easier to plan ahead.

"Well, there's always the possibility of the Akatsuki. Then again, there was that espionage team from Mist," Tsunade recalled.

"Or those shinobi from Cloud after you sent Naruto to Lightning country as a diplomatic escort," Sakura added.

"There's also Grass, after that mission Naruto and I had and he somehow managed to destroy their kage's favorite Geisha house," Neji said.

"I remember that. Troublesome. There's also the mission where we met the man from Rain whom Naruto challenged to a sheep-shearing contest. That ended badly." As Shikamaru recalled, Naruto had ended up getting on the bad side of the man's entire clan.

"How about those guys in Wave after Naruto went there on vacation that one time?" Kiba asked. It had turned into an international incident and Tsunade still forbade Naruto to leave the country on vacation without having someone go with him.

"We could be at this all night," Sakura said, pinching the bridge of her nose, "it's more important that we start to move while we still have a chance to find him."

The boys silently agreed.

Tsunade snorted before dismissing them with a wave of her hand, "Then get going."

Without another word, the team was gone.

A few hours later, they arrived at the battle scene.

It was at that point that Sakura concluded that whoever had Naruto was at least very bright, but not the Akatsuki… and judging by the various hitae-ate, weren't anyone that they had mentioned back in Tsunade's office.

It still looked like someone with a grudge and it was beginning to sprinkle rain on them.

"Is that dog vomit?" Kiba asked, pointing at an area where Akamaru was sniffing. The fact that he could actually tell it was from a dog didn't really phase them.

"Pakkun…" Sakura said, looking at the footprint beside it, and recognizing the tread as Kakashi's. She knew it was his because the chunk missing on the left sole was from the last time she and Naruto tried to remove Kakashi's mask and well… things hadn't gone as planned. In fact, Naruto's tooth tore it out when Kakashi kicked him before realizing who it was.

They looked towards where those footprints led, into the trees.

A cold wind blew through Sakura, and despite it still being mid-afternoon, it was getting dark out.

A raindrop fell on her bare shoulder.

"It looks like the storm is in the direction we're headed," Neji said, staring at the gray sky in the distance.

-

-

A/N: Here's the second part. It pretty much just gets weirder from here on out. Especially since I plan on using a couple different genres, which should be interesting -for me if not for you.

Thanks for all the reviews so far, they are great motivation. I'm already working on the next chapter. Oh, and if someone is interested in letting me bounce ideas off of them so I can at least come up with a working outline and offering a few somewhat in-depth opinions on it, please let me know.


	3. As Our Hopes Go Down the Drain

Title: Past the Picket Fence

Chapter 3: As Our Hopes Go Down the Drain

A/N: I put this off too long, I blame the start of school, but it was only the first week and nothing happens in the first week. Sometimes college is a joke. The rest can be attributed to trying to work out some issues with the next chapter –which really didn't get worked out, and laziness.

-

-

Naruto woke up damp and feeling chafed because of it. He was, however, warm, but more importantly, he wasn't being rained on.

That had the potential to be very bad.

He determined he was on a bed, though, which didn't quite fit in with the whole 'out in the middle of nowhere in a creepy cave with psychopaths' situation he imagined. That scenario had been based off a somewhat similar one of when Gaara was briefly captured by the Akatsuki.

"So you're awake," Kisame said from somewhere else in the room. Naruto let his head fall in the direction of the voice.

He could see a fireplace with included fire, wooden walls, and a crazy shark man with a sword sitting in a corner at a table.

He did not see Itachi.

For some reason, that frightened him very much.

He heard rain pounding against the window pane in fury. The wind was howling, and he figured that it must be pretty bad outside. _Crappy for …traveling._

Suddenly, as that thought hit Naruto, he had hope swirl through him as the possibility that he might not be at Akatsuki headquarters entered strongly into his mind. If the lack of a cave-like atmosphere hadn't done it.

It looked as though they had rented a room for the night.

Quietly, and with no small amount of fear at being discovered, Naruto wiggled the fingers of his left hand, the side not facing Hoshigaki Kisame.

They responded easily.

It was then that Naruto realized that the weight of his limbs felt significantly less than they had when he woke up in Kabuto's cart.

Apparently the drug had worn off. Distraction would be necessary.

"Where's my favorite Uchiha?"

Kisame snorted. "Around."

"Do you think he might want to play charades?"

"No."

Of course, then the former Mist nin actually thought about that and couldn't help but grin.

"I bet he'd be good at it."

"Oh yeah? How so?" Kisame chuckled, vaguely amused by his captive.

"He's good at everything."

That was true enough.

"Are you two best friends?"

Kisame nearly choked. The members of Akatsuki did not have 'friends'. Although he and Itachi got along very well, as far as homicidal maniacs could, and would sometimes go to bars together.

Or he would hang out with other Akatsuki members off-duty and they would bullshit about things that weren't work related in the slightest. Sometimes they'd play pranks on each other. He was even in a bowling league with a few of them. Dare say, he even enjoyed their company.

"Yes. We're best friends and we go to our quilting club every Tuesday."

It was Naruto's turn to try not to laugh. He hated to admit it, but he and Kisame could maybe have been friends another time, another place.

"That sounds lovely. I'm sure you can make nice quilts."

"Only the best."

It was at this point that Naruto whipped through the seals to create his kage bunshin, his heart pounding as he wondered if the drug he had been injected with would affect his chakra.

In an instant smoke rudely crammed the enclosed area.

The room was as full with Naruto clones as he could reasonably get it. Relieved, but too pumped on adrenaline to give it much thought, his mind spun wildly for an idea on what to do next.

He wasn't the type to plan. He was a genius at improvisation, but that was more a matter of his personal opinion than anyone else's.

Naruto worked best under pressure anyway.

He could already hear Kisame drawing his sword and chuckling, as he gave the command for his clones to combine with another jutsu, praying his seals were faster than the Akatsuki's sword.

The door to the hallway burst open. He could only assume it was Itachi. That meant he had to get out, _now_.

Naruto leaped off the bed as the room filled with smoke again, crashing through the window as the sound of a roomful of giggles was left behind.

If it didn't stop them, his 'Harem no jutsu' should at least confuse them.

As he fell three storeys, he briefly considered that it may not have been the best plan to jump out of an unknown window of an unknown building.

He wasn't a ninja for nothing though.

He hit the ground running.

With a wicked grin, another idea popped into his head and he commanded a few clones nearest to Kisame to perform one more henge.

A startled yelp and the sudden cessation of clone death (from what Naruto could tell since no new information was returning to him from destroyed bunshins) told him that it was at least, somewhat successful.

The other part of the escape wasn't so pleasant.

Naruto nearly slipped in the mud as his vision was blinded by the sudden rain. Wind beat at him like it caught him in bed with its wife. His blood felt as if it were pounding through veins too small.

He didn't know where he was going, or if he was being followed yet.

All he knew is that if he stopped pushing chakra to his feet, he was dead.

-

Kakashi had found something better than thicker foliage. He found a town! Just in time, too.

It seemed the moment he stepped in the door of the only inn he could see –as it didn't appear to be a very large town, the downpour outside doubled.

He walked up to the counter where a bored looking girl sat on a stool, her face propped up on her hand as she read a book.

"Uh, excuse me miss, I need a room," he said, with his usual brand of Kakashi cheer.

"Single or double?" she asked, not bothering to look up at him as she turned another page.

"Single."

"Pay up front."

"How much?"

She pointed to a sign on the corner of the counter listing the rates.

He unsnapped the top of the pack on the rear of his hip and dug out a wallet. He was relieved that he actually remembered to bring money. Sometimes he forgot, and then he had to borrow from Gai –who had very high interest rates. He tried to borrow money from Naruto, but Naruto had (shockingly) proven too smart for that. The blonde must've heard how much he owed Gai.

He set a couple bills on the counter, pushing them towards the girl.

Without looking up from her book, she took them and pushed some buttons on the cash register, before feeding them in. Her hand went below the counter for a minute to grab a set of room keys.

She flicked her eyes to the number on them before tossing them on the counter in his general direction.

"Room 214. Up the stairs to the left."

"Ah. Thanks."

He walked away vaguely reminded of another disaffected teenager that he had once instructed for a very brief year or so. That one had turned out to be a traitor and left the village, and hadn't even bothered to send a card or a note through the mail in all the time since he had left. Inconsiderate child.

Hell, the copy nin saw that particular student's brother more than he saw him.

He was probably about to see said brother again.

Kakashi climbed the stairs as instructed, tired and slightly wet from the rain. A warm bed sounded nice, even if he wasn't sure if he could get to sleep. He stopped midway up when he felt a clench in his gut. Something was up.

Straining his senses, he could find nothing out of the ordinary. It didn't settle the feeling of apprehension that was slowly rising.

A sudden explosion of chakra from one of the rooms affirmed his suspicions. Running up the rest of the stairs, he was slightly shocked to see Uchiha Itachi rush to open a door only to have a group of undressed blonde women fall onto him.

Kakashi watched as the prodigy's eyes widened, having obviously expected something more along the lines of an attack. Or rather, a more conventional attack –which in Kakashi's opinion, Itachi should have expected unconventional methods from Naruto, especially if he had been chasing him for several years now. Of course, the jounin could admit to himself if no one else, that he was commonly caught off-guard by Naruto's tactics, and he sparred with him probably once a week at the very least.

Kakashi couldn't help snickering as he ran past a very shocked (though hardly showing it) Uchiha who vaguely looked as if he didn't quite know what to do.

That must've been a first for him.

The Konoha jounin was surprised, however, to find that many clones crowded into the room. A happy cry from somewhere in the corner as a sword slashed around told Kakashi that a few clones probably just disappeared.

He was hoping Itachi wouldn't jump up and stab him through the back of the neck when an odd cry came from a corner of the room as a few select clones henged into what appeared to be Uchiha Itachi in a hot dog suit… and wearing what looked like a banana-yellow skin-tight body suit with watermelon melon print slices on underneath.

It took him a moment before he could look away.

He looked back at Itachi, to find the hallway empty. Presumably, the Uchiha had brutally murdered the clones then ran off to find Naruto.

After all, Naruto was the only person capable of… this.

Kakashi ran after the Uchiha, intent on giving Naruto the time he surely needed. Especially after that last stunt.

-

The rain poured steadily around them as they stood in the open area.

"This is not going to work," Kiba said.

He and Akamaru had just been made useless.

Neji and Shikamaru nodded in agreement. Sakura's brow tightened.

"It's starting to look hopeless," Shikamaru said.

Sakura could feel her fists tighten at her sides, frustration pouring through her. This was not something she wanted to hear. It wasn't just her former cell out there, it was like her family.

"They're all the team I have left!" Sakura cried, trying to choke off the helpless feeling rising from her gut. After a moment, she regained control of herself, took a deep breath and looked at her current team and smiled weakly, "…No offense, guys."

"None taken," Neji replied and activated his byakugan. "However, this rain would be hindering to them as well." It was about as close as he came to comforting.

Sakura nodded. Naruto would be given some time, but they couldn't exactly get to him.

"We can't do anything in this rain," Shikamaru said, looking even more put out than usual.

"There's a cave not too far over that way," Neji pointed in the direction, "at least we can get out of the storm." It would allow them to rest a little and hopefully come up with a working plan.

Sakura bit her lower lip as they headed out, this time towards shelter. She was wet and cold, but she didn't want to call the game on account of rain.

Even though she knew better.

About twenty minutes later, she was looking out of the cave mouth while Kiba was trying to start a fire with wet wood. It could be done, it just wasn't easy. Someone with some good fire jutsus could always start one… like a former teammate of hers, but she was too mad at the moment to bother with thinking about him. Her feelings on the subject were rather mixed.

Neji and Shikamaru were looking at a map that they had gotten from Tsunade. It was a big map with tiny print and the two were having trouble making some of it out, mostly due to a lack of adequate lighting.

They were all soaked through and freezing. Sakura couldn't see five feet outside the cave with the downpour. Anyone out in that weather would either be desperate or a fool.

"It looks like there's a few villages in the area. Small ones," Shikamaru said, pointing to a spot on the map.

"This is the direction that the trail was heading," Neji said, as he pointed to a different spot.

"If Naruto was conscious, they wouldn't bother going near a village, too much of a risk with his mouth and… '_spontaneity'_…, but if they got caught in this weather…"

"His teammates from his mission thought he had been drugged," Sakura said, arms wrapped around herself for warmth as she stared out into the forest.

"So it's more likely they hit a town. Which would be good for us," Shikamaru answered, searching the map.

"The first trail might have sort of wound around in the woods a bit, but the second trail was more direct," The lazy shinobi stated, as he recalled how it first looked as though whoever took Naruto was trying to be evasive –rather well, he might add. Then they had very recently found where the person they assumed had Naruto had met with at least two other people.

The trail they had started to follow had been much better disguised, and if not for Akamaru, they would have lost it a few times. It was, at least, a little more direct.

"Got it!" Kiba cheered as the smoke that had been filling the air over him suddenly was accompanied by a flame.

Sakura turned to look back at him. The three looked slightly less miserable and concerned with the fire started.

She smiled slightly. They maybe couldn't do anything right now, but as soon as the rain let up, they'd be out there, and maybe Kakashi would have left a clue that wouldn't be washed away by the rain.

-

Naruto didn't know how long he had been running, but it was still raining, his legs were starting to hurt, and it was dark out. He couldn't really see where he was going, and was a little terrified that he might run into a tree and knock himself out.

He honestly couldn't say what direction he was headed in, since he had switched so many times, and he was sure he wouldn't be able to find the village he had escaped from even if he wanted to, which he didn't.

He was fairly certain that he wasn't being followed, but considering he was running from two Akatsuki members, that could mean nothing.

Mostly, he was trying to find a very good hiding place, because he wasn't really in the best condition to fight. Ideally a hiding spot where he could launch surprise attacks from would be his number one choice, but since he couldn't really find anything that looked like it would give adequate cover from a member of the Akatsuki, he was beginning to get a little panicked.

He would kill for some decent underbrush. Or a large bush.

On the other hand, this was the tidiest woods he had ever seen.

He was about to switch directions again when his foot slipped and he found himself sliding down a short slope. That wasn't a problem. The cliff at the bottom of the slope was.

Especially when he found that he couldn't stop himself and began a freefall in the air.

He looked down -at least he assumed it was down, because the sky was in the other direction, and realized how high up he had been, but the distance was rapidly decreasing.

At least there was water below him… in the form of river rapids and what appeared to be tiny jagged rocks that were ever-increasing in size.

Only one thought really rang through his mind.

_/This sucks./_

-

Itachi should have felt annoyed.

Hatake Kakashi had briefly engaged him, and while he was stronger than the legendary jounin, the man was still not an opponent to be underestimated.

That much was made certain from the very beginning of the scuffle.

Both knew that if Itachi wanted Naruto captured, he couldn't risk wasting his chakra using Tsukiyomi.

That was probably why Kakashi had looked so surprised when he was caught in the genjutsu.

Itachi hadn't waited around for his opponent to come out of it, even if it typically only took a second or two. After all, Kakashi had been trapped in it before, and he had a sharingan eye, so who knew what kind of defenses he may have developed?

He had a feeling that the jounin would at least make his way to a bed before collapsing completely.

Again, he should have felt annoyed. About losing his chance to catch Naruto Uzumaki.

Itachi would probably never say it, but he was slightly impressed with the blonde's escape. Granted, the methods used had been a little… unorthodox… but then again, in the past years, reports coming in to the Akatsuki had showed a sharp increase in not only skill but also unpredictability.

So while he had been expecting _something_ to happen, he just hadn't known what. Although the henge of himself was uncalled for, and he would make sure to save a very special Tsukiyomi for the Uzumaki idiot before he was killed for the ambitions of the group.

It was while he was walking through the woods -wandering, really, but he'd never admit to it- that Kisame suddenly appeared by his side.

"He shouldn't have been able to move for another hour!"

"It would seem Kabuto lied to us," Itachi commented before looking sideways at Kisame, "You let him get away."

The former Mist nin grinned.

"We're bowling this week for the league championship. I'm not putting all that hard work to waste just because of some mission we've been failing at for years. Besides, last time wasn't it you who wanted to put it off so you could go have your kunai repaired?"

"That is essential for our work. Bowling is not."

"I'm not going to just ignore the sweat and blood of the team for this."

"Sweat and… _blood_?" Itachi actually raised an eyebrow, however slight it may have been.

"We're a team of Akatsuki. We do everything to the extreme."

-

Kabuto looked at the frog wallet. It was about half full.

If somehow Naruto made it out of this alive, he'd probably be upset if he ever found out Kabuto robbed him.

The medic grinned.

It was fun being devious. He just hoped Orochimaru didn't find out.

Although, it was really the sennin's fault for denying him the pay raise.

-

Sakura was relieved when she woke up to find the rain stopped. Dawn hadn't broken yet, but she saw that her team was already stirring.

Breakfast was a hurried affair. They were on their way within twenty minutes.

Half an hour later, Neji's byakugan spotted a pile of rocks. They were in the shape of a pyramid. Man-made.

It wasn't long before they found one in the shape of Konoha's leaf symbol.

Sakura grinned. Kakashi came through after all.

-

Kakashi had spent the night on the floor of his room, having passed out only a few feet from his bed.

He wouldn't wake up for at least another day or two.

-

Itachi and Kisame (who had yet to mention anything about the special henges) had managed to figure out where Naruto had gone, if the various broken twigs and destroyed flora was any indication.

The corrugated earth at the edge of cliff was slightly alarming. It looked as if someone had slid right off.

"If he died…" Kisame began, the implications starting to roll in.

"Then we would receive a new mission," Itachi finished. Neither one was too keen on that. The missions that the Akatsuki handed out weren't known for their high levels of enjoyment.

It wasn't a favorable prospect.

Especially since Naruto had always kept things interesting.

Not to mention relatively entertaining.

-

-

-

A/N: First and foremost, thank you to Kamikaze Tama, for general help and for the suggestion that I do something disturbing with the clones, hence the hotdog and banana-yellow watermelon-slice suits of the henge Itachi.

Well, that is the end of what I would call the 'extended prologue'. The next chapter –which is started, kind of takes a turn for the bizarre.

And if anyone else is interested in helping with some plot points, let me know and how you want to be contacted. I get the feeling I can use all the help I can get from here on out.


	4. Of Frying Pans and Fires

Title: Past the Picket Fence

Chapter 4: Of Frying Pans and Fires

A/N: I took forever on this because I wanted to make it extra good. You can believe that or you can believe that I just didn't work on it for three weeks straight. Actually it was a review from Alka-Setzer that got me working on this again, I mean, making it even more good. I would also like to thank Poisson d'avril for beta-ing and for the fun chats.

* * *

"I think he's coming around."

"Should I get a glass of water or something?"

"I'm not thirsty…"

"No, for him, idiot."

"Oh… yeah, yeah, do that. Um… can you get me something from the fridge? I'm kind of hungry."

"Like what?"

"I don't know… a sandwich or something."

The noise of thick shoes on a wooden floor sounded heavily against his brain. His head hurt like someone had beaten it against a brick wall.

"Are you going to open your eyes?"

"No… I'm trying to put that off as long as possible," he said, his voice sounding weak and ragged.

"You want me to close the curtains?"

"Are there cur- yes."

He heard metal rings sliding across a rod and risked cracking his eyes open. He saw a ceiling.

Opening his eyes more fully, he turned his head to see the person that was in the room with him, and realized that his neck was really stiff.

Actually, he was pretty sore all over.

He couldn't ever remember feeling as crappy as this, but apparently being drugged, running for your life, and falling off a very high cliff into angry rapids did that to you. Still, he should kick the fox's ass for not healing him better.

And if he knew a way to do that, he would.

"Who are you?" he asked, taking in the sight of a young woman, well, maybe girl yet, he wasn't really sure. In the darkened room, he could see that her hair was tied back, he wasn't too sure of what color, and her face wasn't very easily distinguishable in shadows.

Her pants were a dark color and her shirt was a light color and that's all he could really tell. Of course, he could never really tell anything about a person from their appearance, supposedly most ninjas were trained to do that, but he was a career exception to the rules.

"Me? I'm Vivi, and you are?"

"Naruto."

"Well, Naruto, what were you doing in the river?"

"I fell in."

"I gathered."

"Then why'd you ask?"

She paused for a moment, trying to rephrase her question. "How'd you fall in?"

"I slipped… and fell off a cliff, but it was dark and raining out, plus I was running, and well, you know."

If Naruto could see her expression, he would realize that she didn't know.

She was about to say something, when the light flipped on in the room, causing Naruto to cringe harshly.

"So you're awake finally? Thirsty?"

Before Naruto could think up the words to reply, a glass of water was shoved under his nose.

"Mmf… this is my brother," Vivi said, taking a bite out of a sandwich the guy had brought for her.

"Hey. You're lucky the water level was so low because of the drought, lately."

_How far downstream did he go? It was raining where he fell._

Rather than answer, Naruto pushed himself up slightly and took a sip of water. "Thank you… how long have I been out?"

"We found you about two days ago."

Naruto frowned, figuring Kakashi had probably sent word to Tsunade by now. When he got back to Konoha, the Godaime would probably pound him into the pavement of the village as her way of saying she was worried about him.

Funny how she showed affection with violence.

Naruto reached to rub at his throbbing temple when he noticed something… amiss…

"Where's my hitae-ate?"

It was the girl who answered with an informed, "Huh?"

"My headband, where is it?"

The two siblings looked at each other, before the brother spoke, "You weren't wearing a headband."

Naruto cursed.

-

Kakashi woke up to find that he was not in his room at the inn. Something of that was always alarming, especially if one was a wanted shinobi, because it usually meant you were in the wrong sort of hands and probably had a few painful hours ahead. Sometimes with a lot of question asking. At the end was usually an anonymous death and that was the end of your existence.

That kind of upset his plans to live a long and full life.

Unfortunately, he was in no shape to fight in any sort of serious manner. He had a certain spoiled Uchiha brat to thank for that. He also wasn't in any sort of shape to focus his eyesight properly, either.

He hadn't felt so dizzy since the last time Itachi had used tsukiyomi on him. The little bastard.

He tried to sit up, noting how badly his arms shook as he did so. One would think it would get easier to come out of this if it happened enough.

Apparently not.

If he wasn't mistaken, that was bile rising up from his stomach.

Quickly, he turned his head, pulling down his mask (thankful for reasons only he really knew that at least no one had taken that) and found that the floor was a suitable receptacle for his vomit.

His supporting arm collapsed after his second dry heave, leaving him twisted oddly on the bed, face pointing towards the floor. He began to pull his mask back up when he heard what must have been the door to the room open and shoes clicking softly on the floor.

He passed out before he could tell whether or not it might be someone who would try to kill him.

-

Two days later from when they had been forced to seek shelter in a cave, Sakura was still frustrated. She would have felt marginally better if she had been able to beat someone to a pulpy mess, but there was sadly, no one truly deserving of it. Not even somewhat deserving.

As such, Kiba was giving her a wide berth, having had to deal with temperamental females from his family. Shikamaru was frequently pouring over the map of the area, marking off the areas he had been. Neji was usually scouting.

They had made it to a town, as per Kakashi's signs, and discovered that during the night, someone had broken a window in one of the rooms of an inn, and nearly busted a door off of its hinges. Two men had been sharing a room, from the sounds of it. They wore matching cloaks, and if that wasn't enough, one looked like a shark and carried a large, wrapped object. The other was "effing hot", according to the girl who worked behind the counter.

Apparently there had also been a lot of noise.

So they spent their time scouting the surrounding area. Sakura had asked if a gray haired man wearing a mask had been seen, but the girl shrugged, saying she couldn't remember, but also she usually didn't notice who came in. Apparently the only reason she recalled the two men was because aside from their appearances, they were also "effing scary".

That had been in the morning when they had arrived that Sakura had conducted her investigation, which was more of her being really demanding and increasingly angry. As she walked away from the counter, she heard a muttered, "effing bitch", and Neji and Kiba had to physically hold her back.

-

Naruto looked at his two hosts, "I appreciate you rescuing me, but I have to go home." The more he worried Tsunade, the harder she would hit him when he saw her again.

"But you were in really rough shape when we found you," Vivi protested.

"I heal quickly. It's important that I get back so they know I'm all right." And not an asset of the Akatsuki. Also, all known movement of the group –such as buying a drugged jinchuuriki- must be reported, it was a law or something, he wasn't really sure.

"You can't possibly…!" she sounded unnecessarily alarmed, then took a breath and more calmly, "Better to be safe than sorry. Let them worry an extra day or two while you rest up and heal in case anything should happen on the way back."

"But…"

"She won't shut up until you agree," the brother spoke up.

Naruto sighed. "…Fine."

"Now we won't have to listen to her bitching."

Naruto watched as Vivi slugged her brother in the face.

-

If nothing else, Shikamaru and Neji were a deadly combination when they wanted answers. They operated with a sort of ruthless efficiency that Sakura had to raise her eyebrows at.

She didn't know much beyond the basics of interrogation and general questioning, but by watching the two systematically sort out the useful information from the worthless, she could tell they were far more skilled than the average shinobi.

Shikamaru could ask all the right questions and did not hesitate to do so. Neji could sift through the responses, effortlessly getting to what was really meant by them. They could both read people, but in different ways, and Sakura was absolutely fascinated.

Kiba was bored. He had no inclination to ever involve himself with the process if he could possibly avoid it. There were times when it became apparent that he could, actually, choose his battles. Sakura just wasn't used to seeing it.

It was after tracking down everyone who worked at the inn -people who would much rather be left alone then accosted by angry shinobi and questioned about who they would harbor- that they found their way to the east side of the small town.

Maybe they couldn't dig up anything about Naruto's whereabouts, but they weren't completely hopeless. Not yet.

-

Kakashi was surprised, to say the least, when he awoke to a familiar voice speaking above him.

"Hello Sakura, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, you're awake! Good."

This time, when he tried to sit up, he was pleased to note the distinct lack of vertigo. He discovered that he and Sakura were not alone in the room, either.

"I see they made it back to Konoha with the report," he said, referring to his two temporary teammates from the mission.

"Yes. What happened?" Sakura asked.

"To me or-"

"Let's start with that," she interrupted.

"I was on the receiving end of an Uchiha genjutsu. Tsukiyomi."

There were worried glances cast about the room.

"Naruto escaped, but I don't know if he was recaptured."

"The girl at the counter said that when they checked out, it was only the two of them," Shikamaru mentioned, although it was highly likely that one of the two of them would have been able to conceal Naruto. Probably.

Naruto did have a way of drawing attention to himself.

"Itachi would have been considerably weakened after using that particular attack on me. Kisame was otherwise… engaged," and here, Kakashi shook his head and tried not to smile, "so it is possible that Naruto escaped. When did they check out?"

"In the morning," Neji answered.

"Daylight hours? If it took them that long…"

"The more time spent looking for Naruto gives him a higher chance of escape," Sakura concluded.

"So now what?" Kiba asked, finally making his contribution and simultaneously asking the most difficult question of the entire conversation.

"This may be a little off-topic, but where are we?" Kakashi asked.

-

Naruto thought that maybe it was a good thing he had relented and decided to stay, because he felt drowsy soon after he was left alone. The girl, he had forgotten her name, had said that she needed to get the village's doctor.

He could've have told her that it really wasn't necessary, because he happened to have a nine tailed fox caged in his abdomen who could heal him quicker, but he suspected that letting that particular information out would only quicken her pace to the local physician.

The brother had disappeared into some other part of the house, and Naruto could periodically hear him move around in one room or another. He was glad for the isolation.

What he felt he didn't need, was to have a couple of strangers hover over him, despite how selfless they had been in taking him into their home.

He wanted to return to Konoha as soon as possible. A brush in with the Akatsuki was enough to unsettle him and for all he knew, they could be closing in on him. That would put these people at risk.

He was, however, extremely sleepy, and ended up deciding that closing his eyes and dreaming of beating Kakashi at… thumb wrestling… would be… a much… better…

He was snoring softly as soon as his eyes closed.

-

"You're in the physician's guest room," Sakura answered.

"Physician?"

"Apparently when they went to see why you hadn't checked out, the clerk at the inn found you passed out on the floor and called the mortician, who after looking you over, called the physician and they brought you here."

"Clerk? Not that little ray of sunshine that checked me in…?"

"You mean that chick with the crappy attitude?" Sakura snorted, a frown settling on her face as her brows knotted.

"So you've met," Kakashi smiled.

"Sakura almost killed her," Kiba spoke up, laughing.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at his former student, who didn't look the least bit ashamed of herself. Too much time with the Godaime.

"Well, as long as you two hit it off. Kiba's right though, we need to plan our next move."

At this, Neji spoke up.

"Excuse me for saying this, but you're in no condition to go anywhere, much less, leave that bed."

"Which is why I won't be the one returning to Konoha," Kakashi replied, unconcerned with the truth in the young Hyuuga's statement.

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked, eyes narrowing on him.

"Someone needs to go back and inform Konoha that you have made contact with me, but Naruto's whereabouts are still unknown. Akatsuki was involved, but we are led to believe they do not have Naruto in their possession. At this point, we are going to be conducting a search and rescue," Kakashi stated.

"Who did you have in mind for leaving?"

He could hear the suspicion in her voice.

"Either you or Shikamaru. We need Neji's byakugan and Akamaru to search for Naruto."

"Shikamaru."

"Well, actually, probably both of you, seeing as the Akatsuki has been sighted in the area. Seeing as though we've already located a doctor in case of injuries, you're kind of useless at the moment."

Sakura stood up, jaw set firmly. She tried very hard not to punch Kakashi in his smiling face, she really did, but sometimes he had a way of stripping all of someone's inhibitions.

Later, she would feel very bad about attacking a temporary invalid, and admit that he had been right, but in consolation, Shikamaru had caught her in a shadow bind before her fist could hit too heavily on his face.

However, she was beginning to suspect that Kakashi had been spending some time with Sai, because he seemed to be losing his sense of tact at an alarming rate.

In the end, she found herself returning with Shikamaru, after begrudgingly healing part of Kakashi's nose and leaving nearly every salve and ointment with them in case they did find Naruto in an injured state and various instructions on application and care.

It was probably for the best.

Although Shikamaru kept giving her nervous glances until she finally snapped at him. After that she calmed down, apologized and the rest of the trip went better.

-

Naruto woke up with his head hurting far more than it had any right to. His attention didn't linger very long on that, however, because he noticed that he happened to be in an odd situation.

It appeared as though his hands and feet were bound and he was on some sort of… board. He had no idea what the hell he was on, but it felt like a wooden plank. A wooden plank that was being carried.

Somewhere, not too far away, he could have sworn he heard chanting.

"Wha-?"

"I thought you hit him on the head with a frying pan!" a somewhat familiar voice hissed.

"I did!" was the feminine reply, then addressing Naruto, "Sorry about that, but we didn't want you to wake up."

He was groggy, but he could see that there was something very wrong with this situation.

"Why?"

"Well, you see, we're going to, uh, I don't know how to put this really, but we need you as a sacrifice for our spring planting," Vivi said.

"Nothing personal," the brother answered, as if that made it all better.

"What!"

"We have to make a sacrifice every spring for the planting, and every fall for the harvest, it's how our village remains so profitable. When we honor our-"

"No, this isn't going to happen. It just isn't," Naruto interrupted.

The chanting became louder, and he could see the night sky lit up with a fire somewhere nearby.

"Not to rub it in your face or anything, because you really do seem like a nice guy, but, how are you going to stop us?" the sister asked, and she looked like she had just told a small child why you don't build a house of cards in a tornado.

"Give me a second…" Naruto said, thankful that hand seals could be done when your wrists were bound. He sped through a series of five, smiling when the ropes suddenly expanded away from his skin slightly then snapped and he leapt off the plank before anyone could react.

He twisted, catching the brother on the chin with a fist. He used his momentum to spin and almost felt bad about it when he hit the sister in the face, not even pausing when she dropped to the ground solidly.

He happened to notice that there were several other people who were rushing towards him, and with a quick glance to his left saw a much larger crowd of people moving around a fire.

A quick guess estimated a little over a hundred, but he was just pulling numbers out of the air, anyway.

Luckily, these people didn't know he was a shinobi.

So, with the application of three clones whose sudden appearance was enough to startle his present company enough for them to stop in their tracks long enough for him to plow through a couple of them and reach a building, he grinned. He was running up the side of said building before they reached him.

However, there weren't any other buildings near for him to jump to, and it appeared they happened to be surrounding him on the ground.

If his eyes weren't deceiving him, it looked like they were throwing lit stakes in through the building windows on the first floor, and as if they were giant matchsticks thrown onto bales of straw, smoke started pouring out from any openings below him.

"The fool jumped on the roof of the hay barn!"

"There's enough straw in there to fill the stables for months!"

Oh.

They didn't have to laugh like that.

Naruto bit his lip as he tried to think of something. If he jumped, he'd land in the middle of them. He took the time to refigure his guess of their numbers to several hundred.

If he stayed on top of the roof, the flames would reach him and consume him completely.

He threw a hand behind him and scratched the back of his head while he tried to think up a plan of escape, while ignoring how hot the roof was getting under his feet.

Did they have to make it out of aluminum?

He cursed.

Realizing he couldn't formulate a half decent plan, he decided to just do something stupid and hoped it worked out. Clapping his hands in front of him, as if signifying that his mind was made up, he backed up a few steps, then took a running leap.


End file.
